This time it's going to be a text entry I write. It was never my plan to actually type anything on this blog, but I thought using two separate blogs would be a hassle. I barely keep things up to date anyway so why not make it easier for me.
The entry I am going to write now will be personal and packed with thoughts and other things trapped inside my head. So it might not be that entertaining for some of you. And of course there is nothing wrong with curiosity. Just wanted to be fair and let you know, so that you don't waste time reading this instead of doing more important things.
For the moment I don't have a lot of school work to do really, since my new courses start again in August. So during the day I don't have a lot to do, and I usually just sit around, walk my dog or draw. Sometimes, I find it really difficult to find joy in my everyday activities and I end up just thinking about things. Stuck inside my own head. Trying to figure things out.
There are times when I am so bored out of my mind that I will consider quitting something I really like doing. Just recently I was thinking of quitting art, throwing away all of my artistic possessions and do something meaningful and new. From a realistic point of view I would never be able to quit art. Quitting art would be like killing part of my personality and personal identity, as well as my way of expressing myself. I think I am a zombie now since I walk around and do nothing for the most part. Imagine how much worse it would get if I couldn't draw. Even I don't want to imagine that.
For those of you who don't know I happen to have an unhealthy obsession with books. I love books and I want to read everything. I also want to own them all. One of my dreams is to have a big personal library with 2-3 levels with just books. Books everywhere. I love libraries for that reason. Being surrounded by knowledge. The downside sadly is that I am very impatient, so reading is for me very difficult most of the time. I am super easy to distract and I am a master at distracting myself. And trust me it doesn't matter if the book is so good that I want to read it until I pass out.
I used to be able to sit down and read for quite a few hours when I was younger. But with the years things have gotten so stressful and it feels like there is hardly anytime to sit down and just relax. Enjoy things, and do nothing with a positive feeling. Instead of feeling useless, guilty and boring.
Most of the time I feel like I have to become something tomorrow and that I have to have everything set. That I have to know exactly where my next step will be. This feeling creates such enormous stress and anxiety. It's just a plain mentally exhausting feeling and thought.
Recently I wrote an essay about the romantic era. And I can't help but dream about how it would be. Sadly I would have to dream of myself as a male since women had little rights back then. A handsome academic, wouldn't that be nice. I would totally be one of the pretty boys. Right?(insert very flirty smiley here).
That is all I have to write for now. I could go on for much longer, but I will save that for another post. And save you all the trouble in the process.
Maybe I'll make a video log next time, if I dare.
Thank you for reading, now I am heading to bed.
/Malin Regebro
Hey Malin,
ReplyDeleteVery interesting post which deserves a response.
You are right not to give up on art, even if it seems pointless in the grand scheme of things. It is an important aspect as it brings familiarity to this uncertain world, and an outlet for when things get tough or when things are going great. I died inside when I quit for a few years, the emptiness was awful.
Stress is an awful thing, having battled severe stress and very bad times growing up it takes a huge toll eventually. The uncertainty of life is awful and stressfull but you reach a point where you do not care and just enjoy the ride as long as you follow your heart and do what you truly love and seek what you want to do, it always balances out the crap life throws back. I am at a point where I have no idea how things are going to go but I enjoy not caring, it is out of my control in the long run, all you can do is try your best on a day by day basis. Try to forget about the uncertainty and concentrate on the familiar.
Do whatever you can to outlet the stress, I invested quite a bit in hi fi sound equipment and art and it has provided many years of joy and a fantastic way to meditate in a way. Listening to fantastic music on good equipment whilst doing digital art is pure heaven, it is my little sanctuary :)
So keep at it Marlin, you will reach whatever goals you want to achieve eventually but embrace whatever wierd twists happen along the way and keep hanging onto the familiar hobbies to make it easier.
Daft punk's new album is very smooth, listening to it it now and it is pure bliss.
I hope to see a lot more art on your blog as your style is very quirky, very awesome. Definitely join in on collabs with Laura or myself as I will be around for a long time doing art, Laura is doing very well with her blog which is great to see her bounce back after problems.
Hey Mike,
ReplyDeleteOh wow, thank you for the response.
Art does indeed bring a familiarity to this world, wouldn't be able to live without it.
Yeah, stress is a dreadful thing. Stress has driven me to panic attacks many times combined with anxiety, as if they're secretly evil twins. It has gotten better but since I have ADHD and Dyscalculia things can get out of hand quickly unless I am on medication. I will think about what you say; to try and concentrate on familiar things and not push it to much, so that unnecessary stress is avoided.
Music is amazing, I have to save some money before I will be able to afford a good sound system, first I gotta pay off my Mac, haha. Instrumental music helps a lot no matter if you draw or do school work. Keeps you concentrated without hearing bothersome lyrics in the background trying to direct your mind.
I will check out their album and see what they have to offer :)
Thank you, I'm happy I have an interesting style, even thought I think it need some more work and fine tuning.
I will do my best to keep this blog active, probably more so than my Deviantart account. I never feel like I get any good response from my watchers over there. And seeing the views counter go up here on the blog is very pleasing.
She sure is doing a lot better, and its fun to see her being so creative and excited about her art. Been sitting with her on Skype giggling when she goes crazy over her col-erase pencils. She ended up making me buy some, and apparently I am doomed once I start using them.
I am working on some ideas for the current collab theme, its difficult to pick the right pose and decide which sketch I like best!
Thank you again for the response, I feel better after typing it out here on the blog instead of trapping it inside my head.
Hey again,
ReplyDeleteGreat to hear you wanting to continue the blog Malin, it is an awesome escape outlet and it is great to see other like minded people out there. (lol sorry I accidentally spelt your name Marlin at one point in the previous post) I am sorry to hear about the panic attacks and anxiety etc, I dealt with it badly in my late teenage years, it was unbearable and I was physically very unwell from it, but it gets much much better as you age. It feels great to not really care as you age ( I am 27 now), you do toughen up considerally to the point where life feels pretty great when we can concentrate on what we want to or physically can do and concentrate on the people who matter, and not worrying about what we cannot achieve and told you must be this or that. The problems I encountered is that society and life was pushing me to progress at a level/rate which I could not cope with as my body was not able to handle that. I have found that if you forget about social pressures and concentrate on your limits as a person and figure out what pace suits you, and not anyone elses you will feel much better. I am a guy who developed slower then others around myself, but I always got where I needed to go, but it took me a little longer. It sucks seeing other people progress so much better and faster than myself, but I always say to myself, Why do I care? Why put horrible stress on myself for something that is beyond my control, what matters most is concentrating on your goals and concentrate on achieving them in your own way and pace.
Take your time on the collab Malin, I am going to be quite a while lol. You seem to have found a style which you like to portray which is awesome, it took me a long time to figure out what style I was going to aim for, I have always been attracted to the photorealism side of art which is tough as nails but I hope to able to achieve that goal in the next number of years. Do you have any goals as to what you want to achieve with your art?
Check out chillstep genre of music on youtube, really awesome relaxing music.
Yeah, I've always been pretty different as well than the other kids I used to go to school with. Right now I'm studying at less than half the pace everyone else does, but it fits me. For me its more important to finish school in a good way no matter how long it may have to take. University and such will come later. Society sure likes to put pressure on us younger people, I've been to quite a lot of schools so I have yet to finish College (turning 20 in June).
ReplyDeleteHaha, I will make sure to take my time. I am usually very slow with my art anyway, I normally spend about 10-20 hours on my creations. At least if they happen to be quite heavy projects. But I would say that 10 hours is the minimum time I spend on each drawing.
My goal is to evolve my semi realism style. I am a detail freak so I enjoy over detailing my work. I also want to get a hang of painting and draw more humans. Currently getting more into gesture drawing online until I go to actual life drawing classes here in town. Other than that I just want to evolve on every level when it comes to art, both in traditional and digital. Learn every medium and be able to create amazing things digitally. It's going to take some time but I am positive.
Will do! :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swYTjs1F3jY - awesome chillstep video.
ReplyDeleteWow 10 hours on a piece, that takes a heck of a lot of patience, I could never do that lol. That is awesome dedication. I get bored after 10 minutes and paint something else, I am trying to devote a bit more time to this dragon piece when I can, it will take quite a few weeks to get it done properly I think as I need to do some justice for once on a painting.
ReplyDeleteLife drawing classes would be fantastic, that will progress you a lot as an artist. A major tip when it comes to life drawing or to better yourself as an artist is to loosen up considerably when sketching stuff and to not get tied to your art too personally, make tons of mistakes and keep repeating and starting over and you will get quite far. It is the loosness which allows you to learn because you have to spend more time on thinking quickly about what you are actually studying rather than the actual lines you draw. Like they say, a major part is what you do not draw compared to what you do draw when doing a piece.
Thanks for the kind comments on my blog as well Malin, much appreciated. I pretty much was ready to pack it up a while back, Laura was a huge inspiration along the way to keep at it as she was the first person to really love digital art that I got to meet and chat to, very awesome seeing her carry on and be so passionate about it. I hope you can be inspired to keep it up and reach your goals eventually :)
ReplyDeleteI hope to be on skype and livestream in the future when I get good enough so it would be awesome to chat to you and Laura and anyone else about art and anything, i have to go through some pretty tough stuff first so i won't be able to do that for a while. Anyway keep on posting as it is great to see new art and thoughts on stuff.
Take care :)
Haha, I tend to be very perfectionistic with my art. I forget the time and before I know it 10 hours have passed and I'm like: "What am I doing with my life?" and then I get annoyed because I spend to much time.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm learning to let go of my drawings. Had to throw many drawings away when I changed to my mac.
No problem, I like that you do so many different things and try stuff out. Cant wait to see how the dragon painting turns out.
Thats great to hear, Laura is a crazy gal indeed haha! Good thing you didn't quit drawing, I want to see all of that progress :D I hope things get better for you and that you kick that tough stuffs ass and show it who's boss. I will make sure to post things, promise! :)
Take care you too!